Being a Malaysian driver and rider, you're ...

Good at:

Change lane without signal,

Change lane again without signal, again and again, and again,,

Signal after turn it to junction,

Proud to drive your new imported car with Hi-Beam on Federal Highway at 7.30am,

Ride your bike on the with dotted line between the lane on Federal Highway,

Exit to left from THIRD Lane on Federal Highway,

Dan macam macam hal lagi lah kita mampu buat sebagai pemandu di Malaysia ...

US Courts

Fom an email I got today…

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and  now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm  while these exchanges were actually taking place.

 

 ATTORNEY:  What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?

WITNESS:     He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'

ATTORNEY:  And why did that upset you?

WITNESS:     My name is Susan!
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY:  What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

WITNESS:     Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY:  Are you sexually active?

WITNESS:     No, I just lie there.

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY:  This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

WITNESS:     Yes.

ATTORNEY:  And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS:     I forget..

ATTORNEY:  You forget?  Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY:  Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?

WITNESS:     We both do.

ATTORNEY:  Voodoo?

WITNESS:     We do..

ATTORNEY:  You do?

WITNESS:     Yes, voodoo.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY:  Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his  sleep , he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS:  Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY:  The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?

WITNESS:      He's 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY:  Were you present when your picture was taken? 

WITNESS:     Are you sh ***ing me?
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY:  So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? 

WITNESS:     Yes.

ATTORNEY:  And what were you doing at that time?

WITNESS:     Getting laid.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY:  She had three children, right? 

WITNESS:     Yes.

ATTORNEY:  How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY:   Were there any girls? 

WITNESS:      Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I  get a new attorney?
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY:  How was your first marriage terminated? 

WITNESS:     By death..

ATTORNEY:  And by whose death was it terminated?

WITNESS:     Take a guess.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY:  Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS:     He was about medium height and had a beard

ATTORNEY:  Was this a male or a female?

WITNESS:     Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY:  Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a  deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

WITNESS:  No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY:  Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on  dead people?

WITNESS:     All of them.. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY:  ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

WITNESS:     Oral...
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY:  Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS:     The autopsy started around 8:30 PM

ATTORNEY:  And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS:     If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY:  Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

WITNESS:     Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________


And last:

ATTORNEY:  Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? 

WITNESS:     No.

ATTORNEY:  Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS:     No.

ATTORNEY:  Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS:     No..

ATTORNEY:  So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
began the autopsy?

WITNESS:     No.

ATTORNEY:  How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS:     Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY:  I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS:     Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and  practicing law.

Yeaaa.. kalah tapi menang...

Kita kalah semalam (Nyaris 3-1) , tapi menang aggregate, Syabas Harimau Malaya (?)..

 

Pagi nie, Hakimi terjaga awal, seronok bersorak tengok bola semalam kut, terus merengek nak ikut aku ke Taska naik Kancil.. dah jadi 1 hal pulak nak kena kejut kan adik dia sekali, takkan nak tinggalkan pulak.. last2 keluar rumah hantar bebudak ke Taska dah dekat 7.30. Dah tak sempat dah nak mengelak kesesakan kat FH dgn dlm KL nanti.. redah sahaja..

 

Sampai kat ofis pukul 9.00 satu hal pulak.. aku boleh tertinggal kunci kereta kat DALAM KERETA!!! OMG… macam mana lah pulak aku nak balik petang nie.. kenalah naik LRT dengan KOMUTER yang dah lama aku tak jejak… terpaksalah bersesak sikit petang nie nampak gayanya, dan kenalah aku masuk balik KL esok dengan kunci spare bawa balik kancil tu…. Waaaaa esok cuti, tak mau masuk KL…….

 

 

26 Dec 2010 - Kayuhan Jamboree (JAMBUFREE) Bukit KEmandul, Jalan Kebun bersama KaYuHbEb

Posting terlewat…

Perghh… memanglah, kalo kayuhan santai, ramei jer yg joint,, ada dekat 80 orang peserta kayuhan hari nie. Seawal 7.30 pagi aku dah sampai ke belekang sekolah kat Jalan bukit KEmandul tu, sebelum aku dimaklumkan tempat berkumpul sebenar di Kolam Ikan Rombak…

Ntah pukul berapa aku tak ingat kayuhan dimulakan selepas short briefing dari komandan kayuhan K’Rule… Kayuhan diketuai Man Sawit penunjuk arah didalam kawasan tanah gondol dan semak samun bukit Kemandul, melalui ladang Sawit.. buah2-an dan kebun the BOH!!! Haaaa bukan Cameron Highland, tapi KLANG LOWLAND punya ladang.. kat sini tayar depan beskal aku pancit ditusuk duri pelepah Sawit.. adussss…. Tiub spare dah pakai semalam… hari ni tak sempat nak pi kedai cari.. Mujur Bro Rosni ada extra dan Bro Wahid ada pump.. sempatlah berehat kejap sambil aku menggantikan tiub beskal,. Lepas nie kena prepare lebih sikit kalau nak redah lading sawit,, sepanjang kayuhan hari nie banyak betul incident yang memang dijangkakan berlaku.. tak silap kiraan ada 4 beskal pancit + 1 kes PANCIT.. mahu taknya.. laluan tanah merah gondol dengan batu kerikil betul betul mencabar keringat peluh dan otot2 betis… Tapi kali ni aku dah prepare dengan AL-UNTA beg utk bekalan air.. kalau harap botol kecik aku dulu tu, memang setengah jalan aku dah patah balik…

Selepas berkayuh sejauh 25 KM sahaja (lebih kurang 2 1/2 jam) ladang jambu, sasaran destinasi utama kelihatan.. dan semua pengayuh tegar teruja menerjah masuk ke Ladang Jambu mencari buah yg enak dimakan tatkala kelaparan, kedahagaan dan keletihan.. Next time towkey ladang jambu boleh buka 1 stall standby jual air jambu lak... selepas selesai melahap selera, kayuhan ditamatkan dengan berkayuh kembali ke kolam ikan Rombak… balik cepat lah pulak sampainya....

Detail kayuhan (Separuh jalan)…

http://www.sports-tracker.com/#/workout/masadi75/13dql5svb19v7i93

Laporan bergambar dari KayuhBeb

http://kayuhbeb.blogspot.com/2010/12/kayuhan-jambufree-jamboree-kemandul.html

Awal Muharram ride..

Di awal pagi muharram, dalam keadaan batuk2 yg belum reda.. aku kayuh balik beskal yg dah lama tersadai..bertemankan si Syahnaz,  disebabkan angin tayar beskal dah kurang, dan carik pam tak jumpa aku kayuh jugaklah pela2 sampai ke Stesen Petronas Kesas (Arah Timur) sebelum mengambil angin sikit...Asalnya plan nak ke PCP, tapi tak cukup korum, jadi roadie jer lah.. Kali nie route ditukar sikit, masuk ke SUbang, melalui Persiaran Kewajipan, sebelum turuk ke Glenmarie, dan balik melalui D'Kayangan Shah Alam... Sebab dah semput, kaki pun dah cramp, tak sempat lah nak daki pers Dato' Menteri... minyak cramp pun ntah kemana ntah perginya, time emergency macam nie boleh pulak takde dalam beg..

Total ride: 35km. (jadilah)...